If you’re hysterical, then it’s probably historical.
The first time I heard someone say this expression, I felt pangs of delight!
If you’re hysterical, then it’s probably historical.
Words, sure, but they perfectly express why a comment that is seemingly neutral, if not benign, can send us reeling. Or by contrast , it tells us why comments that may be meant to destroy us, fail to land their target.
For example, if someone said to me “You look like you are ready to be a contestant on ‘Rupaul’s Drag Race,’” nine times out of ten I would probably blush and say “thank you.” Because I admire Rupaul and am impressed by the level of artistry and skill drag performers display. I’ve only seen a few episodes, but I have a general sense that the show’s contestants are creatives at the top of their field and put a great deal of effort into their appearances. Even meant as a backhanded compliment, my mind would immediately process such a comment as a neutral observation, and possibly a genuine compliment.
But. . . the same remark on a different day might elicit a completely different reaction. Say I had attempted to do a full-glam makeup application, but was feeling insecure about how it turned out. The comment would land in an entirely different way.
So we have two situations. One triggered a negative reaction. One did not. Why is it that the same comment could cause us to have two distinct reactions? When we are comfortable in our own skin we are not affected nearly as much by the opinions of others. Sometimes, though our reactions in situations like these can be so intense that it can take us by surprise.
Of course, one day’s makeup application is hopefully not too consequential. This example is used as a stand in for other situations where we might have insecurity, such as our appearance, abilities or relations. However, whatever the inciting comment for our reaction, at moments like these it’s important to resist becoming defensive. A person may very well have intended to hurt you with their words. But a strong reaction is a flashing signal that you may need to do some reflection to find out why you really were hurt. As the saying says, there is probably something in your history.
Don’t think that I have it all figured out, because I so don’t! I’m out in the world interacting with people, after all–in the workplace, in the community, with extended family. I still plenty of instances where I react strongly to something someone said. The words may belong to someone else. I allow myself a short period of indignation or disbelief, whichever the case demands. But after that the issue of self-determination is mine to work on and mine to heal. The next time you have a seemingly out-of-the-blue reaction to something someone said, carefully explore where it might be from.
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Photo credits: Featured photo by Les Anderson on Unsplash, all others from NYPL digital collections.